Thursday, October 25, 2012

Back In Black - Day 45 (Wednesday) & Something About Forests & Trees...

Where does the time go?

I can't believe I'm already on my sixth monthly Cookalong on G+. This Sunday it's Ceviche de Camarón y Arroz con Pollo.

As you might know, I poke fun from time to time at hokey metaphysical stuff like The Secret, but you know I couldn't make fun of it if I hadn't watched it before... :P

Here's the thing, though. I did learn a few valuable lessons from that video, one of them being that if you focus on the desired end result rather than mire yourself in thinking about the logistics that will get you there, the process will present itself. That is to say, don't lose the forest for the trees. Or perhaps more accurately, don't lose yourself in the forest for the trees.

My very first post on this blog was written on February 17th, 2011. And at that point, alls I knew was that writing and cooking were much needed cheap therapy after having survived the most difficult five years of my life to that point, and finally settling into a new chapter with the man who every day is being and becoming The Love of My Life. 

Wanting more than anything to emerge better and stronger from that experience, I found myself living in BFTemecula with Dean, nothing to do but cook, write, and be alone with the depth and expanse of my thoughts and emotions during the day while he was at work. And I would spend the next six months cooking and writing away all the residual pain, anger, and downright anguish of 

- having lived a long, harrowing bout of what is commonly known as mental illness (but what I tend in hindsight to view more as a breakdown, and then thankfully eventually a breakthrough, of the psyche), 

- losing just about everything I'd worked for for two decades in the process, then 

- going through a nasty divorce in which I lost custody of my two older children and pretty much left behind all the people, places and things I'd come to know during that eleven year marriage. Well, except for the love of the people who matter, thank Goddess... :)

I wanted to heal, and the Universe put me in a place where the most logical and reasonable thing for me to do was heal. Where it would have taken considerably more effort to dwell in my bitterness than to avail myself of the easy therapy of more free time and solitude than I knew at first what to do with, the kitchen, the keyboard, and the love of a man who was ready to take me on, all things and issues considered.

And as I began to step out of my past, I could begin to look to the future, to rebuild yet another aspect of my life: my career. And having already tried my hand at performing music, being a corporate drone, and running my own business teaching cooking classes and personal cheffing, I knew I wanted to return in some capacity to the thing that has always brought me joy and comfort no matter the season of my life: food. 

But this time, changed in so many ways by the preceding years, my consciousness awakened to a sense of purpose rather than just a paycheck, I determined that I wanted to devote this next stretch of career to sharing not only my love of food, but also my very personal approaches to cooking and eating. And having so determined, and seeking an effective way to do just that without sacrificing too much time away from my family, I was more than ripe for the suggestion by my friend Denise to give this G+ place a closer look as a platform to spread my own personal gospel of the benefits of making real, good, food with our own hands.

And so far, from sharing my daily morning ear worm, to writing blog length posts where I share recipes and vignettes of our daily lives Chez Robinson, to posting pics of all manner of things that make me smile, G+ has become the blend of the three things I have long wanted to be able to incorporate into my life's work: food, words, and music. Not to mention the very good and free attention it has brought to my efforts...

One year and eight months since that first post, and the doors continue to open for me. I figure my job is just to keep focused, keep working, keep being grateful and just not fuck it up. I have faith that the rest of the clearing through the forest will show itself to me somehow... :)

BREAKFAST



LUNCH



DINNER

was a Low Rent Oxtail Osso Buco with Calrose Risotto Milanese, washed down with a totally drinkable 2 buck Syrah from Big Kahuna.




EXERCISE

How many synonyms can a person come up with for "Yeah, right." anyways???

Off to get that ceviche recipe done and posted for the Cookalong.

shinae

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Phil's BBQ - San Diego, CA

Let me be the first to say that I am a somewhat recovering dickhead foodie. Which is to say that I am always a dickhead foodie, and I'm neither proud nor ashamed of that fact, but I am learning that sometimes you need to reframe a dining experience in order to be able to enjoy and appreciate it on its own merits, rather than as against your own subjective hifalutin POV, and calibrate your expectations accordingly. 



That said, Phil’s BBQ, by all indications but the many glowing yelp reviews that have earned it 4.5 stars, is exactly the kind of place a dickhead foodie like me avoids like The Plague. Blaring (blues) music, glaring red fluorescent signs, theme-y decor, more than one location - you know - one of those concepts.




But sometimes you go to a place against your own strong intuition that you won’t like it because you think there’s no way that many people could love a thing without there being a good chance that you’ll at least like it a little. A been there, done that, if you will. Something you’re pretty sure you’re not going to like at all, but need to have experienced to arrest any lingering doubts you might have that you really can’t trust your own nose to guide your belly. Someplace you figure you might as well visit because you’re running errands just down the street from it, and you’ll probably not find yourself down that way again, and, well, there are all these other San Diegans who seem not to mind making the drive to that hood just to eat there...

Well slap my ass and call me Sally for once again not listening to that very loud inner voice that said, “Don’t do it, Shinae. They call themselves a BBQ joint and they don’t even have the big pig ribs. And they’re playing lots of loud music that only drunk white people dance to. And a bunch of other San Diegans love it...” (See? I told you I’m a dickhead somethingorother...)


An odd five spice note to the rub and/or sauce that made me think of pho while I was sinking my teeth into ribs and chicken that were swimming in cloyingly sweet and uncomfortably tart sauce. Greasy (as in even greasier than deep fried things should be) onion rings. Unremarkable sides. To my palate, that is.



Been there, done that. 

That just means more Phil’s for the rest of San Diego! :D

Dean will have to compensate for this one by making me some ribs sometime in the very near future.

PHIL'S BBQ
3750 Sports Arena Blvd
San Diego, CA 92110
(619) 226-6333
www.philsbbq.net

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Back In Black - Day 37 (Tuesday) & Something About OPR...

I'm pretty sure that 11 PM enchilada didn't do me any favors last night. My hormones are re-regulating themselves post partum, and the past couple of weeks have had me a bottomless pit some days and not caring to eat at all on others. Oh, and the preggo hair has also begun falling out. I can't wait 'til I'm half bald with all this new growth sprouting from my head like so many chick feathers...

So far I've blogged 18 days (well 19 now) of the 30 (which were originally supposed to be 30 consecutive days, but I'm a slacker shit happens) that I committed to, and I highly doubt that the 30th post for this series will find me comfortably back into the LBD, but the zipper has moved up maybe just under an inch and things are just generally starting to look a little less squishy and dimply in that way that only a woman who needlessly scrutinizes all the fine details in the mirror from time to time might notice.

Day 16:


Day 37:


But let's move on and talk recipes now, shall we?

OPR.

As in O.ther P.eople's R.ecipes.


My usual step by step album here.

Because it is delicious. And because his recipes are well and thoughtfully written, sharing a love of both the food and the language we use to describe it, as well as subtly imparting technique without clobbering you over the head with it. Something I aspire to with my own recipes.

I made some yesterday so I could be sure to get my enchiladas in before the end of the month at Linda's Dish of the Month thread over on chowhound where people are cooking up all kinds of amazing enchiladas.

My tweaks: 

- chicken stock instead of beef because that's what I had on hand
- the addition of a roasted Roma for added sweetness and acid depth
- the addition of a roasted quarter of an onion, also for added sweetness and an additional savory note
- the use of fish sauce as salt element to lend some extra umami oomph

A beautiful color something between brick and wet terra cotta, the delicious aroma of chocolate-y, raisin-y guajillos blended with roasted onions, garlic, cumin, and oregano, and a deep, rich, complex, and layered flavor from such a short list of ingredients.

I was happy. El Gringo que ama la comida Mexicana was happy tambien.

BREAKFAST



LUNCH

was leftover jahp chae from Izzy's Baek Il (100th Day) celebration.


DINNER

was fridge cleanout Chile Beef & Roasted Red Pepper Enchiladas with a Romaine and radish salad topped with guac and dressed with fresh lime juice.




SNACK

I had 4 squares of milk chocolate accompanied by a small handful of almonds scattered throughout the day. Pretty much a deconstructed chocolate almond bar, only more almonds, less chocolate.

EXERCISE

Tchah.

Since Dean surprised me yesterday by taking the rest of the week off, I'm hoping we can hit up the new San Diego Public Market today. They say it looks promising.

Off to make brekkie! :)

shinae

Friday, October 12, 2012

Back In Black - Day 30 (Tuesday) & Something About Why French Women Don't Get Fat...

Remember that book French Women Don't Get Fat?

I'm reminded of it often these days because I get asked from time to time how it is that the Man and I aren't behemoths given all the food we eat, none of it particularly "light" or "diet." Real butter, real cream, real sugar, real pork fat, real mayo, real bread, real pasta, no PAM, no Splenda (well, except my two or three Diet Cokes a month), no Primal, no Atkins... You get the picture.

Because notwithstanding the fact that I am trying to get back into my little black dress and that Dean would like to get back into better shape, neither one of us is remotely approaching what most people think of when they think "fat".

But I understand their thinking because it's the way I used to think once upon a time before I discovered that it really is much easier to maintain my weight by keeping a balanced and holistic approach to eating (and by holistic, I mean big picture, not new agery) than it is to attack a single aspect (e.g., cutting out fat, cutting out sugar, cutting out meat, cutting out carbs...) and suffer the repercussions of withdrawal and/or deprivation.

When I started conscientiously eating to feed, and feed well, both my body and my psyche, without overindulging either, everything changed. And I found that I could actually eat more of what I like and obsess less about dieting and working out, and still look and feel good.

So instead of eating 2 cups of a bland and anemic lowfat pasta dish made with a spritz of PAM, I'd eat 1 cup of a properly prepared one, using just as much olive oil as was needed to properly saute the garlic, caramelize that veg, impart that deliciously fruity note of good olive oil, and give a good sear to whatever protein was being added to it. 

Instead of choking down a little salad with a storebought bottle of the processed glop that Kraft or Wishbone call "dressing", I started making my own dressings at home with a healthy amount of oil and even a little bit of sugar to get the rounded flavor and body that make a salad dressing satisfying and delicious. And I found that the right fresh produce (and lots of it) paired with just enough of the right dressing was a pleasure to eat and not some obligatory dietary checkbox to make myself feel as though I hadn't been entirely delinquent in my eating habits.

Instead of having several of those godawful Snackwells (Remember those? Be glad if you don't.) and still feeling cheated of dessert, I learned to have, and be sated with, 2 or 3 spoonfuls of real vanilla ice cream, or a third of one of my fave dark chocolate bars with fleur de sel, or a couple of bites of a real eclair...

And I was much happier and just about as thin as when I was obsessing over fat, sugar, carbs, and calories. I'd learned to feed the body for nutrients and the soul for satisfaction, and it was the best thing I'd ever done for both my body (exercise included) and body image.

Without going into a discussion of exercise, where I've faltered over the past couple of years is not in the kind and variety of foods I've been eating, but in being mindful to have just enough. And it's not so much a matter of being disciplined as present. Present enough to recognize that the body has taken in enough food to no longer feel hunger. Present enough to recognize that the psyche, by way of the senses, has also had its fill, which usually requires far fewer bites of a thing than we are inclined to consume when we're eating mindlessly.

And that's what this little black dress is all about, really.

It's not about getting into a certain size or under a certain weight, or, ultimately, even about vanity (though I admit to my fair share). It's about having a mindful, pleasurable, efficient, and balanced relationship with food. And once I get that back, the little black dress is almost certain to follow.

BREAKFAST

was another boring bowl of Cheerios I neglected to photograph.

LUNCH








DINNER





...followed by a little Asian fusion dessert experiment.

Soft Tofu W. Coconut Caramel Sauce
aka
ToFlan :P

EXERCISE

I've been very good at exercising my right not to.

This, too, shall pass.

Lots to do today. We're preparing for Izzy's baek il (a Korean 100th day celebration) this weekend and also taking Joe and his friend out to dinner tonight. Both firsts for us, and I'm pretty excited about the opportunities to celebrate and connect with my family.

Happy Friday!

shinae

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Back In Black - Day 24 (Wednesday) & Something About Situational Awareness...

If I've learned anything about myself through my greater internet exposure (and thereby greater internet interaction with others), it's that I have very low tolerance for instances of what my friend Mary calls a lack of "situational awareness."

This is never so evident as when people chime in on one of my posts (or even the posts of others) to express contrary sentiments when it should be clear to most reasonable people (or at least it is to me, and I guess you'll have to take my word that I'm reasonable) that the context of the post doesn't invite them.

And it's not that I can't tolerate thoughts and opinions that don't agree with the original ones expressed. But there are less annoying, intrusive, and inappropriate moments in which to voice your contrary thoughts than to detract from someone's glee at a thing with your utterance that the same thing has no value for you; or to minimize the calming and cathartic power of a vent by implying that the person need not be ruffled by such clearly trivial things that you clearly are too superior to be affected by; or to minimize someone else's sense of accomplishment at having done a certain thing in their own way by needing to display your knowledge of the same process by telling them a "better" way to accomplish the same thing.

226 words to basically say, "READ THE FUCKING ROOM, PEOPLE."

Clearly, I am not so bothered by verbosity.

And on Wednesday...

BREAKFAST

was another half PB&B.


LUNCH



DINNER

was Sweet Tangy Spicy Fried Chicken and celery sticks with Creamy Jalapeño Cilantro dressing, washed down with a Kirin. In a can, even.



EXERCISE

Unless I indicate to the contrary, I think you can pretty much assume I did not. The motivation to work out has been pretty hard to come by for, like, you know, THE PAST TWO YEARS.

I know my patterns well enough to know that it'll return some day. But in the meantime, I know that cutting my portions, while still eating everything I like (I've indulged in a couple of Drumsticks and cookies this week) is still having some positive effect because it wasn't so touch and go pulling the dress up over the hips this week as it was the last.

I suppose I should be disappointed in myself, but oddly, I'm not. And I think that has something to do with the gift of self acceptance that age brings with it. Sure I'd be happy to get back into that dress sooner than later, but I'm no less happy with my having gotten this blog entry written, or sharing a recipe that someone made their own and loved.

Off to brew my second cuppa and tidy up a bit.

shinae

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Back In Black - Day 23 (Tuesday) & Something About Finding New Hobbies - Or NOT...

I have officially gone off the deep end.

I mean, I'm engaging in small scale tweetwars with people who actually admire a half-literate guidette who acts like a lipsticked, boob-jobbed, spray-tanned, rabid ape half the time, for fuck's sake.

Someone needs to find a new hobby...

But until I do, I still say from what Teresa Giudice chooses to put out there about herself, that she is a BEAST. And that is not going on looks. :P

Maturity is so overrated sometimes. <insert Muttley laugh here>

BREAKFAST

was a half peanut butter and banana sammich.


LUNCH

was brown sugar stewed kimchi with pork shoulder over steamed rice. (Not quite kimchi jjigae...)


DINNER

because I'm a hormonal biatch who's hugely jonesing for carbs, some Thai takeout - Spicy Basil Fried Rice with chicken and Pad Thai with shrimp. XXSpicy. Quite a lot of it, actually.



And a beer to take the edge off my bitchiness. Poor Dean. I'm not sure it worked...


DESSERT

3 big spoonfuls of Butter Pecan ice cream and a handful of grapes.

EXERCISE

10 minutes of tweeting like the she-devil I was yesterday.

Thai food bloats me. I think today is not such a good day to see if the zipper's moved up.

I've been up since 3:30 this morning, and I am so hungry I could eat a small Housewife. Not to worry, though. Lean cuts are not my thing...

shinae

Monday, October 1, 2012

Back In Black - Day 20 (Saturday) & Something About Greasing Greased Wheels...

Sometimes, we're so busy tending to the issues generated by the more needy, difficult, or demanding people in our lives that we fail to appreciate the greased wheels who keep on keeping on, happy to take what they can get, containing themselves when self-containment is the order of the moment, and partaking cheerfully of good opportunities for interaction and togetherness when they are presented, with the most minimal requirements of the people around them.

Mads is one of life's greased wheels. A mostly joyful, agreeable, caring, empathic, and easily pleased kind of child who takes her happiness where she can get it, whether it be in alone time with imaginary friends, together time with real ones, an opportunity to practice some dance moves in the back yard alone, a movie with the family, a walk on the beach (or just around the neighborhood) with us, a cupcake, or a Drumstick.

We took three because she thought the first two
made her eyes a little too squinty in the sunlight.

And because she's so easily contented, and because there are often other people and things vying for my attention, it's also easy to forget sometimes how deserving she is of my undivided attention. Not just because she's my child, but because of all she does (and does not) that keeps her little moving corner of our household calm, peaceful, and a generally nice space to occupy.

I love that we both find satisfaction in the little things -
like perfectly blue skies and pretty white clouds.

So we headed out Saturday morning for some coffee, hot chocolate, pastries, and girl time. That all it took to make her happy was a mention of hot chocolate and a little time together is pretty much indicative of her M.O. She wants so little in the first place and then is grateful to get just a piece of it.


It made me happy that she found the pain au chocolat at Petite Madeline (we went to a patisserie that shared her name, minus an *e*) to her satisfaction. She specially liked the crust, she said. But then it's just like Mads to be able to find something specially good in just about any circumstance.

I find it fitting that Mads was born on December 22. A truly perfect Christmas present for a mom who isn't all that concerned with exact dates. :)

BREAKFAST

was an almond palmier from Petite Madeline. I'm guessing they must have named the bakery after a person because they spell "madeleine" correctly in the display case. My Mads, on the other hand, shares her name with that most delightfully buttery of petite cakes from France.

And the first creamed coffee in a while.


LUNCH

was four goi cuon. A light lunch before heading over to our friends' place for Mex, beer, and margaritas.


DINNER

was two yummy ceviche and guacamole tostadas followed by two tasty carne asada tacos washed down with first a refreshingly cold Anchor Steam and then a margi on the rocks. No pics. Too busy enjoying the company.

EXERCISE

was a 20 minute walk while at our friends' place, trying to get an overstimulated Izzy to take a nap. I haven't really had a proper workout since I started this thing three weeks ago, but I am generally feeling more energetic, which I think is attributable to the simple acts of reducing the number of alcoholic beverages and just eating less, if only by two or three bites than usual.

Now to decide what's lunching today...

shinae